The Good Mother Myth

A Powerful Reframing for Modern Mothers

As a maternal mental health therapist, I often witness how deeply ingrained beliefs about “good” mothering shape my clients’ internal narratives and wind up contributing to their struggles. 

These beliefs, often invisible and inherited, can become the source of self-doubt, shame, and burnout. I’m constantly preaching the idea that a “good enough” mother is better than a perfect mother, and was excited to learn about Nancy Reddy’s book, The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom.

I first learned about the book when I was fortunate enough to meet Nancy at an event we both attended—a powerful talk on maternal rage. I was thrilled to learn about another voice debunking the myths around what it means to be a good mother. I was excited for the book to be released, and, as I just finished listening on audible, wanted to share. 

The Theories That Built the Myth

One of the most compelling aspects of Nancy’s book is how she provides a digestible yet insightful overview of key psychological and anthropological figures—John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Harry Harlow, D.W. Winnicott, and Margaret Mead—names you may be familiar with if you ever took a psych 101 course. Their work laid the foundation for modern parenting ideals.

As a therapist, I appreciated her accessible explanation of attachment theory, including Bowlby’s emphasis on the early bond between mother and child, Ainsworth’s “strange situation” study, and Harlow’s work with rhesus monkeys. Reddy gives these seminal works the credit they deserve for advancing our understanding of child development and emotional safety—but she also invites us to question the way these theories have been interpreted and, at times, weaponized. 

For example, Bowlby’s original work was never intended to imply that mothers must be perfect or ever-present, yet it’s often been twisted to support an impossible standard of maternal devotion. Winnicott’s concept of the “good enough mother” gets revisited here in a powerful way—not as settling for mediocrity, but as a permission slip for humanity.

The Myth and Its Impact

What Reddy does so well is expose how the “good mother” ideal has become less about connection and more about performance. From Instagram to parenting blogs to internalized guilt passed down through generations, she shows how today’s mothers are encouraged to meet contradictory and often unattainable expectations.

The idea that we should be endlessly patient, ever-present, perfectly attuned, and completely self-sacrificing? That’s not maternal instinct—it’s cultural messaging that ignores the complex lives and identities of real women today.

How This Ties Into My Work 

In my practice, I see firsthand how these myths manifest: A new mom grieving her loss of independence. A working mother questioning whether daycare is "damaging." A client stuck in postpartum anxiety, replaying every missed cue or moment of exhaustion as if it proves she's failed. 

The Good Mother Myth aligns beautifully with one of the foundational truths I want all moms to embody – the idea that wellness isn’t about perfection. It’s about balance. Balance between caring for others and caring for yourself. Balance between doing and simply being. Balance between striving and surrendering.

“Good enough” isn’t a consolation prize — it’s what actually builds secure attachment and resilience in our children. What matters isn’t whether you respond perfectly every time, but whether your child learns that connection, accountability, repair, compassion, and self-care are what matter most. 

Final Takeaway

Nancy Reddy’s The Good Mother Myth is an invitation for all moms caught in the grind to exhale. To question the unspoken rules. To learn the difference between what’s helpful and what’s harmful. And most importantly, to embrace the messy, powerful, ordinary magic of being enough.

If you're a mother feeling the weight of perfection, I highly recommend giving this book a listen. Let it challenge you, comfort you, and remind you: the myth isn’t the truth. And the truth is, you’re already more than enough.