3 Ps for Productive Parenting: A Lesson from the Slopes

Last weekend, we went skiing, and the first day was a total disaster. One run, and we were done. There were tears, frustration, and by the time we reached the bottom of the mountain, I was convinced I’d never ski with my kids again.

But as I calmed down and focused on regulating my frazzled nervous system, I found myself reflecting on what had gone wrong.

It started when my husband dropped me off with our three kids while he parked the car, planning to meet us at the lift after our first run. From the get-go, my oldest had a bad attitude—she had been adamant about not wearing a helmet from the moment we picked up the gear the prior day. My middle child struggled with his gloves, which kept falling off. My youngest needed help with everything, and every request came in the most grating, whiny tone.

Managing all three alone felt overwhelming. I was constantly dividing my attention, trying to ensure each child felt comfortable getting back on skis for the first time this season. We argued over which run to take, who would go first, and who would wait for whom where. By the time we got to the bottom, my hands were numb—I had sacrificed my own gloves to stop my son’s tears.

I wanted to blame my defiant, bad-mood daughter for the rocky start. Her attitude and resistance were my biggest triggers, setting off my dysregulated nervous system. I felt myself seething, tempted to lash out and tell her she was making things harder than they needed to be.

But just the day before, I had worked with a client who recalled her mother’s response to her big emotions in childhood: "You are ruining the whole family!" her frustrated mom had screamed—words that left lasting emotional scars.

I bit my tongue and spent the ride up the lift focusing on deep breathing. I wanted to throw in the towel and declare, We’re never skiing again! But I reminded myself that this was just one challenging moment in the grand scheme of things.

Once calm, I was able to rationally reflect on what had gone wrong.

The new gloves from Santa just weren’t warm or waterproof enough. My daughter, who tends to be anxious, had only skied once before—a whole year ago. She’s also competitive with her brothers, who are naturally more fearless. Their confidence on the slopes likely amplified her own self-doubt. And the 3:1 child-to-parent ratio? Far from ideal. The whole situation was a recipe for testing my patience.

A New Approach

Determined to turn things around, I approached the next day differently:

• I took extra time before we left the cabin, making sure each kid was bundled up, with backup gear stuffed into my ski pant pockets.
• I arranged to start the day one-on-one with my daughter, giving her my full attention to build her confidence.
• I used every nervous system regulation tool in my repertoire to stay patient, encouraging her as she practiced her turns and remembered the pizza wedge.

While it took some time to get going, I’m happy to report we had a lovely redo ski day.

As we all successfully skied down the slopes, I reflected on what a powerful parenting lesson this experience had been—for me and for so many of the parents I work with.

Parenting is hard. But things tend to go a lot more smoothly when we remember these three Ps:

1. Prepare

Nothing derails fun faster than being unprepared. Plan ahead and ensure you have what you need—whether it’s a change of clothes for the inevitable diaper blowout or an extra pair of gloves for wet, freezing hands. When we take the time to equip ourselves—both physically and emotionally—we set ourselves up for success.

2. Personalize Planning for Each Child

Every child is different. One might be eager and fearless, while another is cautious and hesitant. Tailor your approach to meet each child’s unique needs. Some kids thrive with independence, while others need step-by-step guidance. Recognizing these differences can make all the difference.

3. Patience

Frustration builds quickly—for both kids and parents—especially when we aren’t mindful of preparation and personalization. Impatience only escalates stress. Instead, use mindfulness tools to stay grounded so you can remain patient and in control.

When we prepare, personalize, and practice patience, we create a foundation for success. And when success happens, don’t forget to give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.